Writing Update

Hello Everyone, I hope all is well and that you enjoy this post about writing.

This picture on the left is of the notebook that I am using to write my current novel. It is probably the nicest notebook that I have used so far, my first two novels were written on just plain white paper folded up to look like a book or written on a legal pad. So far, I have written a bit over sixty-two pages with a mechanical pencil and an eraser. This already seems significant because that means I am invested in this story to say that I have written this much and in a roughly short period of time. It seems to move fast and slow at the same time.

I found this quote and I completely feel this:

"My favourite part about being a writer is being totally lost inside a story, so immersed that your fictional life overtakes your real one. I love the madness of that, when the story is pouring out and you feel this crazy urgency to get it down before you you lose it. It's totally euphoric, and yes, completely wacko." - I am not confident I have the right reference for who said/wrote this, but it is not my words.

Yesterday for example, I spent a considerable time thinking about the story, feeling the need to write. I wrote a little in the morning, went to the library for about an hour and wrote most of the time. Sometimes I feel like I need to do something else or want to do something else, but then my brain is like, "no, we got to keep going/writing because what if you lose it?" Anyway, I thought towards the end of the day that I had accomplished a lot because it felt like I had and was exhausted, but in reality I had only written about nine pages! So, my brain feels like it is going a hundred miles a minute, but then the actual act of writing makes you see that it is impossible to match the speed of your brain; getting all of those thoughts and ideas down in a way that is clear, makes sense, and uses the right words. And then of course at some point when this first draft is finished and I go back to type it, things will change again as I find things that don't make sense, inconsistencies in the story, and general editing.

I have to say that this current novel that I am working on, like all my novels, it is a very personal and intimate experience. Yes, it is spicy, but I don't think that my novels or that I write spicy just for the sake of being spicy. The spiciness is often an integral part of the story and what ideas, feelings, and emotions that I am trying to express. Could I write a story that isn't spicy? Probably, but where I am at and the depth and places I want to create with my characters; it would be hard. I have no idea where this novel is going to end up, but like the other novels I have written, I think it is saying important things.

I have decided not to do any writing or working on it today, but it is hard. I checked out two books from the library yesterday and want to be able to read a bit this summer as well. However, I have been thinking about writing a lot. I believe that one of the reasons that I am apprehensive and cautious towards AI and programs like ChatGPT is because I like to write and feel that these seem like an attack on individual creativity and expression. Not to mention the fact, that I think I can still write a better novel than ChatGPT.

Writing is an important part of my life. Whether it be in wriitng a novel, a short prose, a blog post, or journaling; I have been thinking about my dreams more lately. I am gettng closer to the point of wanting to figure out how or just send one of my novels into some publishing companies and seeing if anything happens. This is also connected to my faith and lately feeling like God is telling me that it is okay to ask and seek. I struggle a bit with asking and seeking from God because I feel like that it might be selfish and not in line with his purposes and will. However, in the Bible, Jesus calls us to come to him like little children. My purpose here is not to get too spiritual or anything like that, but to show a bit more of where I am at right now.

I also finally met with a counselor this week on Zoom and it went better than I expected and feel okay with him. I guess we are going to keep a schedule for every two to three weeks for probably this summer, but after that who knows. You know, I knew this, but until you actually do it, you realize that it isn't about finding or getting answers and solving problems as so much as just being able to talk to someone about stuff that you wouldn't normally talk about with anyone else. And the best part is that I don't feel judged but almost quite the opposite; it is an affirming experience of feeling heard and that what I have to say is valauble. This is not to say that they are not already valuable or that I am not already being heard, but it is more like having a productive guided conversation with yourself and that is a key takeaway for me.

I will end this post with this quote by Lisa M. Hayes:

"Be careful how you are talking to yourself because you are listening."