A Clear Conscience: Before Myself and Yahweh

I chose this GIF because as I searched "find your inner peace" or something like that this is what I found and I like it in an abstract sense. In the GIF, these guys are just there in front of this beautiful sky and appear to be doing okay. I am not sure if there is any connection between them or if this is a band or what, but it does seem to be interesting how they are apart but at the same time together in sharing this space and there is a sense of comfort in that.

As for me, there is a lot on my mind as usual. These things range from very personal and family matters to Trump taking power again a week from tomorrow and anxiety about that for what it is going to mean for this country, large groups of people and even myself and those that I love.

I have been watching the situation in the Los Angeles area with the fires and how scary that must be for people in those areas! I realize that there are people that are trying to point out that it is mainly super rich people and their big fancy houses, but that is not the whole story. And by the way the super rich are humans too with feelings and emotions just like us even though I think that often they do deserve criticism because of their actions and appearing to be completely out of touch and don't care about the rest of us. However, there are plenty of people that are not super rich that have been affected and just like people, and this is not even mentioning how this is affecting the environment, animals, and the natural world.

Beyond the fires, there are a lot of other concerning and heartbreaking news stories out there like the war in Gaza and how Israel continues to attack and destroy the place. I am not going to get political on that one, but regardless of what you think, we should all be heartbroken. The war in Ukraine with Russia is still going on and this is horrible. Another event that is going on that is not in the news enough is about what is going on in Sudan right now and the UN calling it a genocide that is happening there.

However, as I have started this post off with the GIF and talking about inner-peace, I want to spend some time talking about how I am finding inner-peace. Like I have mentioned in previous posts, I have been doing a deep dive study into 2 Kings and spefically on the prophet Elisha in the Old Testament of the Bible. I have found that by doing this it takes a bit of the focus from myself and my own thoughts to Yahweh (the Hebrew word for Lord) and his strength, power, and how he wants to make miracles and blessings come down from his kingdom in the skies to those who choose to listen and follow him. Yahweh in the Old Testament is the same as Yahweh in the New Testament, except in the New Testament he made himself into human form of Jesus and then after his resurrection gave himself to all who believe in him in the form of a Holy Spirit! I am not perfect (there would be a long line of people who would line up to confirm this) and a sinner, and I don't see this as a weakness or to justify my actions, but believe Yahweh still loves me and wants the best for me and even do great things through me and that encourages and strengthens me to try to do better every day! I am not sure where I was going with this paragraph, but by studying 2 Kings, Elisha, and learning more about the Bible and how it is all connected and tells this great story, it connects me more to Yahweh, my God, and helps me have an inner-peace that I cannot really explain.

I have just mentioned that I am not perfect and I often struggle with my own imperfections, but also those imperfections that others would see in me and/or even criticise me for or try to use against me in some way. Case in point are my novels, well as of right now only The Zumba Class has been released, that I have written and how they could be perceived and honestly are not like wholesome family reads or what would be considered "church appropriate." And to be clear, I am not advocating for my novels to be read at church or by anyone under a certain age (like 18), but at the same time these are the stories that Yahweh has given me to write. In some ways, the characters and their imperfections, all the sex, sexuality identity issues and struggles are things that many people think about, struggle with, or a part of their life and in some ways I think that Yahweh is in all of my stories. And as the writer, I want to be as nonjudgmental as possible and let the characters speak for themselves, but do acknowledge how other people might look and perceive me based on what I have written and sometimes that worries and scares me a lot if I am being completely honest! However, I have reached the point that I am not letting my fears about that stop me from publishing obviously because I already have. And as a result, I am trying to get past my concerns about how people on either side of the aisle (so to speak) perceive me and want to focus on just being my authentic self without self-doubt and having a clear conscience.

With that being said, sells of The Zumba Class seem to come in trickles. I have actually in the past couple of weeks started to sell the eBook version again and not just the paperback. I am hoping that people start to talk about and spread it by word of mouth because it has reached the point where I feel like I am just constantly try to sell it on my social media channels. And I realize that social media is a way to share news, information, etc. but at the same time for many people is a form of selling the story of how you want people to see you, selling your opinions and ideas that you care about to try to get others to come on board with you, etc., so by constantly promoting my novel, it is no different, except that I feel like I have reached personal burnout.

I will tell you though some of the things that I have recently been doing to try to promote and sell my novel, which thinking about are kind of hilarious and borderline psychotic. First off, I had an Instagram account before, but haven't really used it for like five years until I published my novel. Then I started to post stuff on there about it and even have tried to start posting some personal pictures as well and plus I can follow my daughter, Yena on it too. So, what have I been doing that is borderline psychotic? Well, I have found some celebrities that I admire or like and have started to follow them. Hoping they might notice, follow me back, or even learn about my novel and read it—wishful thinking, I know! Some of them have million of followers and they don't pay attention or follow everyone else back, not to mention if they even control or do their own Instagram accounts, so it is hilarious. I am not going to private message anyone either because talk about cringe! I just wanted to share since it is funny but also interesting to me to see what some of these people post. Many of them, especially over the last week or so, have been posting a lot about the fires in LA and ways people can help, since they also live in those areas. It shows their humanity and that they are real people too, which is a good thing!

Finally, I would like to share that after a long wait, my author copy of The Zumba Class is supposed to arrive today. I will finally be able to hold my own paperback novel in my hands and have my wife take a picture of me with it. And you know, I will post that all over social media and make a post about that as a way to keep publicizing and promoting my own work!

Please take care of yourself and those that you love!